


The Broke Apprentice

by nerdyholler (katznhund)



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Julian/M!Apprentice, M/M, Missed Opportunities, borrowed clothes, follows game plot, kissing takes forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 08:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13314081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katznhund/pseuds/nerdyholler
Summary: A look at how Julian's relationship with the Apprentice might evolve if none of the coin options are taken. Starts at the end of Laying Low and goes through the end of Strength. Follows in-game choices and scenes pretty closely with the exception of a couple of detours involving a borrowed shirt.





	1. Laying Low

**Author's Note:**

> This was born of my frustrations at not having the coins to take the steamy kissing options in game so I decided to play what-if and see if I could make something work for my Apprentice that only uses the other options. As such, I wanted it to stick as closely as possible to what the game provides in terms of interactions without too many extra scenes, though there are a couple. I hope you enjoy!

The trap door closed shut and Calix was left alone in the living room of the small hut. ' _He’ll be delighted_ ,' Mazelinka had said. Calix wondered just how delighted and why.

Did Julian come running around, entering through windows, with enough ‘new friends’ that Mazelinka could see all the tell tale signs of another of his infatuations? Not that the doctor made any attempt at hiding his interest. It would have been plain to anyone watching close enough, and Calix had no doubt Mazelinka was a keen observer. His heart beat a little faster as he thought back to the numerous glances and touches that evening. The ones that lasted just a little too long, their bodies just a little too close. Hints at something more just below the surface.

Calix ran a hand through his hair in frustration, leaving it to rest on the back of his neck and craning his head upward to look at the ceiling. But in the end nothing had happened. Perhaps Julian was like that with a lot of people, and he was nothing special, just a temporary diversion for a few days.

He pulled back the fabric partition to the small room. Julian was laid out across the bed at an angle, one foot dangling off the side, almost touching the ground. A crumpled sheet lay wadded up on the bed beside him. Calix could almost imagine the argument, Mazelinka offering it to him, and Julian tossing it aside claiming he wouldn’t need it because he wasn’t going to sleep.

The small bed, already mostly filled by the tall man in it, didn’t leave much room for Calix. He unfurled the sheet and laid it on top of Julian’s sleeping form before curling himself into the remaining space between the headboard and Julian’s leg. For a moment, Calix wondered if taking the hiding hole wouldn’t have been the better option. It seemed cramped but it was quite possible there was more room down there at the moment. He sighed, trying to will his body to relax and sleep. When he did, Julian rolled over, draping an arm over his waist and tucking his legs behind Calix’s already curled form.

Calix froze, eyes open, holding in a breath. He waited for Julian to move again, trying to sense if the other man was still awake, but the only thing he could feel was the slow even rhythm of Julian’s breathing as his chest pressed against Calix’s back. He slowly exhaled, adjusting the sheet over both of them and allowed himself to drift off, wrapped in the doctor’s embrace.


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mazelinka leaving wakes Calix up, then he tries to comfort Julian after his nightmares.

The sound of the door closing woke Calix. He could still feel Julian in the bed beside him, their backs pressed together. It must have been Mazelinka going out.

He carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake Julian, and made his way into the living room. It was quiet and empty, the rug had been pulled back over the hiding hole and there was no sign of the older woman.

Calix peered out the window they’d entered through the night before. It was almost dawn, the night sky just beginning to brighten into a soft purple with streaks of pink and orange.  The dragon’s breath in the windowsill were starting to stir, slightly uncurling the tips of their petals but in no hurry to greet the sun just yet.

Looking around, he searched for a pitcher of water, now aware of a growing thirst in his throat, but a quick glance turned up nothing and he thought better of searching through the hut and drinking unknown fluids. Calix sank down in a chair by the table, resting his head in his hands. At least he had time to think before Julian woke up.

To be honest, he’d half expected the sound of the door shutting to be Julian, leaving him to find his own way back to the shop, only to appear later with some flimsy excuse for his absence. The man was equal parts alluring and infuriating. His smile and countenance seemed to welcome you in, making you forget about everything around you and leaving you wanting more. There was definitely a part of Calix that wanted more. A heat that rose in his chest whenever Julian turned his eye on him, studying him, and seeming to want something more too.

There was no doubt it was a dangerous game though, whatever they were playing at, because Julian only let people get so close. Calix didn’t need to spend days or weeks with him to figure that out. It had been apparent after their first night at the tavern. Julian Devorak was a man who seemed to know everyone, and who everyone else only thought they knew. A useful skill for someone wanted for murder, a man being sought out at this very moment just so he could be hanged. Have a lot of friends, or at least people who like you, but don’t let them get close enough to become your enemy.

He believed Julian when he’d said he didn’t remember and Calix also wanted to believe he was innocent, that chasing down the truth wouldn’t end up condemning the man he was hoping to save.

There were sounds from the other room. Distressed mutterings followed by a thud. Calix rushed from the table and found Julian laying on the floor beside the bed, tangled in the sheet. The smile and apologies that followed were unconvincing as Calix unwrapped the fabric from around Julian’s form and helped him to his feet. The slight tremble in his hands didn’t go unnoticed either.

Calix made a few attempts at finding out what had troubled Julian in his dreams but Julian clearly didn’t want to say anything more beside it being a nightmare. That much had been apparent already. Still, Calix was more familiar with waking from strange and troubled dreams than he cared to admit. He wasn’t sure which was worse, waking up alone in the shop when Asra was away or Asra hovering over him, trying to get him to talk about it when he was there.

Eventually, Julian asked, “....Do you believe in forgiveness?”

It was much too early for the conversation that followed and Calix couldn’t be anything other than honest. Not everything could be forgiven, but that didn’t mean you just gave up either. He didn’t ask what Julian thought he needed to be forgiven for, he suspected he already knew and, right now, hearing Julian say it would probably do more harm than good, for both of them.

As much as Asra’s fussing could frustrate Calix at times, he thought of the things that comforted him, things he could offer to Julian now. Calix scooted back onto the bed, bringing Julian with him, the other man not offering any resistance and more than willing to follow Calix’s lead. He set himself against the headboard and eased Julian down beside him, his head resting on Calix’s chest. He began to comb his fingers through Julian’s thick hair, smooth even strokes, just like Asra did with him.

Asra. Briefly, Calix’s thoughts returned to his master, wondering where he was and when he’d return. But also, the way Calix felt, comforting Julian like this, the swelling of emotion inside, did Asra feel the same way when he did this for him? And if he did, what did that mean for him and Asra? And him and Julian?

As the tension slowly left Julian’s body, he started to speak but Calix hushed him. After all the almosts and might have beens from the evening before, he wanted to take in this tangible moment between them. He brushed the hair away from Julian’s eye and looked down at him. Their eyes met and Calix wondered if the bittersweet sadness in Julian’s was reflected in his own.

Julian reached up, his cool hand stroking Calix’s cheek, “... Thank you.”

“You’re welcome." Calix covered Julian’s hand with is own and guided it down, still holding it as it came to rest on Julian’s chest. "Now get some sleep.”


	3. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian leaves, has second thoughts, then returns, bearing a clean shirt as a peace offering/excuse.

Julian allowed himself to linger for a few moments in Calix’s arms after he woke up. Calix’s hands rested gently on his chest and shoulders, a comforting weight that staved off nightmares and left more pleasant dreams in their wake. They were just dreams though. After what he’d done, or might have done, happiness like this was beyond his grasp and continuing to pretend otherwise would just lead to more pain for someone he already cared for too much. Julian told himself things would be better for both of them if he left now, while he still could.

Moving as slowly and quietly as possible, he slid out from beneath the other man’s embrace and grabbed his things from where Mazelinka had put them in the corner, carrying them into the living room. He started to put on his jacket, still blood stained from the night before. It was unlikely that too many people would notice, especially not if he angled his cloak a bit more over his shoulder, but it would still be better if he wasn’t seen wandering the city streets in bloodied clothes.

He finished fastening the last button and threw on his cloak. He dropped his boots down to the ground outside the window and carefully stepped over the dragon’s breath to join them. Leaning against the side of the hut, Julian slid his boots on and headed out in search of fresh clothes.

His destination was the Rowdy Raven where he paid the barman to store a few belongings bundled in a small sack, should he need to leave the city on short notice. He headed to one of the back rooms with his clothes, a pitcher of water, and some soap.

After washing his face he went to work on the bloodstains, the water in the bowl slowly turning a murky reddish brown as he scrubbed, bringing back memories of torn fabric and the oozing wound from the vampire eel. A few more minutes and… Calix was fine, they both were, that was what mattered. Thinking about what might have been didn’t help.

As he held up the now clean shirt, Julian frowned. Calix would still have to make his way back through the city in his ruined clothes, if he could even find the way to the shop on his own. Cursing under his breath, he put on a fresh shirt and returned to the main room of the tavern, hanging his wet shirt and jacket near the fire. He’d give them a few minutes to dry then return to Mazelinka’s. If he was lucky, Calix would still be asleep and he could leave the shirt and note with directions. If he was unlucky…well, one problem at a time.

* * *

Calix yawned as he stretched his arms and legs, extending his fingers and toes as far away as he could. It was only after he opened his eyes then he remembered he was at Mazelinka’s and not back home at the shop.

The bed was empty and Julian’s things in the corner were gone. After their talk and Julian’s willingness to fall asleep together after, he’d hoped some bridge had been crossed between them, but it would seem things were the same.

He got out of bed and stepped into the main room of the hut. Empty. “Julian?” he called. But there was no reply, not that he’d expected one.

Once again Calix sat down at the table, this time staring absently at his surroundings while his brain processed what to do next. The first and most immediately concern was how to get back to the shop, the second and more thought consuming one was what to do about Julian, his feelings for Julian, whatever they were, and how any of this effected the investigation he was supposed to be undertaking.

The door opened and Julian ducked through the low doorway and into the hut. “Calix, oh, you’re already up.”

He recovered quickly with a broad smile, the look of surprise lasting for only a moment, but still long enough for Calix to notice. Julian pulled a shirt from beneath his cloak and presented it to him.

“I thought you might need this, after last night that is.”

Calix fingered the dried shredded hem of his own shirt, then took the one offered. “Thanks.”

He pulled his old shirt off and tossed it on the table, then slipped his arms into the new one. Before he could get it all the way on, Julian stopped him, putting a hand over the spot where the bite had been.

“Everything still feel alright?” he asked.

The leather of Julian’s glove was smooth against his skin, barely pressing on it, Julian’s fingers threatening to curve around his waist. Calix shied away and pull the shirt the rest of the way down. “I’m fine, as far as I can tell. And you?”

Julian righted himself, mindful of the low ceiling, and patted the spot on his own side, “Never been better, now that I’ve had a little rest.” His smile faded as the last word fell from his lips and he looked down at the floor between them sheepishly. “Listen, we need to talk.”

Calix had a feeling he knew what was coming next. He folded his arms and looked at Julian wearily, “Alright.”

“But not here.” Julian added quickly, “Let’s go to the market, there’s more places to talk there.”

Calix gave him a confused look. Markets were crowded, public places, the last place he would have picked to have a discussion of any importance. Then again, maybe that was the point. It meant Julian could maintain his mask of confidence and maybe he hoped Calix would do the same, helping to lessen the blow.

“Fine,” Calix agreed.


	4. The Market and The Former Teahouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things at the market don't go as planned, and well, neither do things at the teahouse.

Following their morning adventure in the market, Calix had learned a number of new things. Namely, that Julian seemed to be unsettled by magic and it’s uses, had a protective streak a mile wide, more than enough money to buy an entire fruit stand, and that the scent of leather and musk clinging to the shirt Julian lent him was almost enough to drive him to distraction.

What he hadn’t learned was what Julian wanted to talk about.

In a side street Julian was checking Calix over for injuries despite his insistence that he was fine. He seemed to forget that Calix was a full grown man, nearly as tall as the doctor, who was more than capable of handling a rough fall to the ground.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Julian promised. “This next place will knock your socks off.”

Calix gave him a blank stare, “I’m not sure how much more knocking my socks my can take today.”

Julian blushed, “Poor choice of words on my part. It’s a nice little teahouse, just down the way. We can sit there and...talk. It’s cozy, you’ll like it.”

Sighing, Calix allowed himself to be led away from the market and deeper into the city.

* * *

Standing in front of the narrow building, Calix contemplated the faded and peeling frescos. This was not the place he was expecting. For one thing, it seemed a little run down, but he’d learned not to judge things based solely on appearances. It was the flowers and cupids painted above stylish couples on the walls that were completely unexpected. Based on the look Julian got every time he mentioned it, a romantic setting seemed like the last place he would want to take someone to _talk_.

Julian continued describing it. The tucked away booths, smokey tea, and dim atmosphere sounded pleasant enough but the kind of place where couples might go, away from prying eyes, to do more than just talk, which just added to Calix’s confusion.

Brows knotted together, there wasn’t much he could do besides step through the door Julian was holding open and, perhaps, finally get a chance to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

It was quickly apparent to both Calix and Julian that whatever this place was now, it was not a romantic teahouse. Julian described it as ‘cozy’ as they made their way further in and Calix wondered if they were going to end up having their discussion here, alone among discarded knick-knacks and sundries. On further thought, Calix decided it would at least be better than the crowded market street, although he still couldn’t figure out why this was a conversation they couldn’t have had in Mazelinka’s hut first thing that morning.

Further into the maze of objects, Julian seemed like he was finally ready to talk but his eye darted to something behind Calix’s head.

“What’s this?”

He reached past Calix to pull a black doctor’s mask from where it hung above a mirror. Calix studied it as Julian turned it over in his hands. There was the same elongated, curved beak that marked it as a doctor’s mask, but that was about the only thing it had in common with the one Julian had tossed into the reservoir the night before. It was stylized, exposing more of the face, decorative swirls framing the open eye holes. It was beautiful in its own strange way, unlike Julian’s real one. Calix had to keep himself from shuddering at the memory of the red eyes watching him, catching him by surprise, alone in the shop not so long ago. At the time he could hardly have imagined how closely he would become intertwined with the man behind it.

The sound of voices broke both Julian and Calix from their thoughts. Julian immediately tied the mask to his face and Calix watched as he crept towards the sound. When they reached the velvet curtains, Julian stood straight, carefully angling himself so he could peer through the slit with his eye. The light cast strange shadows causing the lower half of Julian’s face to disappear below the pointed beak and the patch behind the right eye of the mask gave the illusion of a vacant, unwavering socket, darkness that could pierce through a soul.

But when he turned to face Calix, the light shifted, catching the pleasant curve of his mouth, turned up in an easy smile, and his gray eye gleaming with mischief. Julian gestured with his head for Calix to look, hardly able to contain his amusement.

After seeing the exaggerated Count Lucio performing, all the strange objects cluttered around them made sense. The spears, feathers, bolts of fabric, and the doctor’s mask, now bobbing up in down in silent laughter.

The look on Julian’s face could only be described as wicked. He clearly delighted in the skewering on stage, “Oh my god. That’s fantastic, it sounds just like him.”

For all the suave smiles and low chuckles, this was the first time Calix had seen Julian truly laugh. He almost wished they could be part of the anonymous audience so he would watch him laugh without restraint, without fear of being caught backstage. How often did Julian laugh? Moments carefree and without worry? How often did he? They were rare and fleeting things, and Calix wished they could have more of them together, without the threat of death hanging over head.

Calix had almost worked up the courage to step forward and tilt his mouth up to meet Julian’s with a kiss when they were startled by the sound of a sandbag falling to the ground with a heavy thud. He tried to pull Julian away from the snaking rope but he was too slow and a moment later Julian was hanging upside-down, wide eyed above the stage.

From behind the curtain, Calix could only watch as Julian freed himself and landed on top of the false Count. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Julian almost immediately jumped into the part, nor should he have been surprised at how well he played it. Was he playing Doctor Devorak, the expected villain, playing himself, or some mixture of the two? Calix suspected even Julian didn’t know.

“Enjoy that gasp, it will be your last.”

“What are you going to do?” the Count exclaimed. “Smother me with your thighs?”

“For the hundredth time, no.”

The exchange happened so quickly, Calix barely has time to process it before laughing once more. Julian was either very quick thinking on his feet or the actor on stage hit closer to home than he’d imagined. Julian straddling the prone man, his long torso towering overhead, was not an unappealing sight and, for a fraction of a moment, the thought of staring at Julian’s lean thighs from that position crossed Calix’s mind.  

“He’s good,” a voice said from beside Calix.

Looking over he saw a tall blonde man, dressed all in black, feet bare and auburn wig in one hand.

“I just wish they’d told me I was being replaced before hand,” he continued.

“It’s a one time special performance, very last minute,” Calix sputtered.

“Oh, that’s good, I guess,” the blonde man shrugged, then walked away, presumably back towards the dressing rooms.

Calix could feel a warm flush coming over him. He turned back to the play just in time to see Julian bring down the sword and stop inches away from Lucio’s actor. Even from here, Calix could see the color draining from his already pale features. It had been fun while it lasted, but they needed to get out of here.

As Julian made his dramatic exit from the stage, Calix started through the sea of props until he was back outside. The wall felt pleasantly cool against his back as he leaned against it, trying to figure out what to do next.

“Calix, there you are.”

Julian emerged from the small stairwell, breathless and still a little pale. His mischievous grin had returned and Calix wondered if Julian’s heart was beating half as fast as his own.

“So that wasn’t what I had in mind,” Julian continued, “Let me try this again.”

As frustrating as the drawn out attempt at Julian’s talk had been, Calix didn’t turn down yet another detour or chance to spend more time with him at the Raven. At this rate, they might never have the conversation and even if they did, at least Calix would face it after a free meal and full stomach.


	5. Dock Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally have *the talk* and Julian escorts Calix back to the shop

The time spent at the Raven had passed pleasantly. Calix knew Julian wouldn’t risk any kind of personal discussion that might create a scene in a place where he was so well known. They talked about the events of the day, where Julian was from, some of the adventure’s he’d had; carefully dancing around anything that might lead to Julian’s history with the Count, Nadia, and Asra or, of course, the topic that was being pointedly ignored until after their meal.

Calix enjoyed seeing this side of Julian. The man could hold the attention of an entire room, or make you feel like you were the only one in it that mattered. While the doctors’ masks had been tossed aside, it was plain to see that Julian still wore one. Though here, in a familiar place where he felt safe, Calix could see it slip from time to time. 

Julian paid the barman and the two began their walk to the docks. Julian’s hurried pace seemed slower than usual, perhaps trying to draw out the last few happy moments together. They continued talking about the same nothings as before until they reached their destination, then Julian fell silent until they found themselves on a deserted, ruined pier.

“Listen. We, uh. We really need to talk.”

“So you’ve said, several times,” Calix deadpanned.

“I know, it’s just. I guess, I was enjoying myself too much today to take the plunge.

Calix wanted to reach out and grab Julian’s hand, the way Julian so often did with him, but he resisted, fidgeting with his fingers instead, “I had fun today, too.”

“Really now?” Julian looked at him skeptically, “Even the part where I destroyed a fortune of fruit? Or accidentally crashed a play?”

“Especially those parts.”

Julian blushed and tried to prevent a smile from forming across his face. “You aren’t making this easier, you know.”

Calix did know, but it was no use trying to delay the inevitable. Julian sat down on the dock and Calix followed, sitting as close he dared without touching the other man. It was hard to believe it had only been in the early hours that morning that they’d been wrapped together in the bed at Mazelinka’s hut, Calix trying to comfort Julian’s nightmares.

Pointing to the island in the distance, Julian started on about the plague and his perceived failures before finally getting to the heart of the matter.  “I’m only going to end up hurting you somehow. I know it.” 

He kicked his foot out, sending a ripple of water away from them as his boot skimmed the surface. Calix watched it as it grew wider and wider, just like the gulf between him and Julian. Their shoulders brushed together as Calix shifted his position, but even this close, Julian might as well have been on the island for all it mattered.

Calix tried reasoning with him, to convince him that he didn’t need to worry about hurting him but Julian wasn’t listening, and wasn’t going to listen.

“Well, I guess, I’ll be leaving then.”

Julian stopped mid sentence as Calix got up to leave. For a moment Calix thought, or hoped, that Julian was going to try to stop him, that he’d changed his mind. But Julian managed to collect himself, forcing an unconvincing smile, “At least let me walk you home. It’s dark, never know what scoundrels are about in the shadows.”

It was hard not to think back on the last few days, they’d had quite a few moments in the shadows, hiding from guards, getting saved from life threatening wounds, watching plays. In fact it was in the dim light outside the Raven that they’d had their first proper talk. 

Calix watched Julian’s face, still trying to hold onto his false bravado. He waited for Julian to meet his eyes before speaking, “That’s true, you never who you might meet in the dark.”

The smile on Julian’s face finally faltered and part of Calix felt pleased. Julian couldn’t just pretend this wasn’t happening, that things could just go back to how they were before, not yet anyways.

“Better get you back home before the guards start making their rounds.” Julian gestured with a wave, “After you, my-” Catching himself, he let his arm fall. He put his hands in his pockets and they started back to the shop.

* * *

Their parting there was as bittersweet as Calix had imagined, with Julian still trying to play the gentleman. There was some small comfort in his admission that their time together had meant something, that Calix hadn’t been a meaningless flirtation, although it didn’t make things hurt any less. He could still feel the gentle kisses Julian had placed on each of his cheeks as he listened to his footsteps fade into the distance, cool lips on warm skin and promises of things that might have been. 

Upon entering the shop, Calix couldn’t decide if he was glad to find Asra back or not. At the very least, Asra’s immediate reading of his face made him wish for some time alone to gather his thoughts. He mumbled something about not wanting to talk about it and followed Asra upstairs for tea.

Sitting at the table he wondered how Asra would feel even if he did want to talk. It was clear there was a history between him and Julian, something more than Asra’s ‘curse’, but as always, there were more questions than answers where both of them were concerned.

Eventually, Asra was able to coax things out of Calix, mostly thanks to Faust. He’d describe the situation so perfectly that Calix wondered if Faust had secretly being following him through the city the whole time, even though he knew it wasn’t true. Asra even managed to extend his calm patience when Calix asked him what to do, though it was clear he didn’t hold out much hope for things changing in the future.

Exhausted from everything that had happened that day, Calix headed to bed after eating while Asra stayed at the kitchen table with a book, Faust contentedly wrapped around his arm. It was only after going to the bedroom and starting to change out of his clothes that Calix remembered he was wearing Julian’s shirt. What must that have looked like to Asra when he walked into the shop? No wonder he’d figured things out so easily, though it did make them look worse than they were. There’d been nothing more than a few held hands, a sleepy dawn embrace, and those final chaste kisses outside the door, and now it seemed likely that was all there ever would be.

Still holding the shirt, Calix slumped down on the bed, his head buried in his hands. Underneath the smell of tavern smoke and sweat, he could still pick out Julian’s scent of leather and musk clinging to the fabric. He inhaled deeply then threw the shirt in a corner in frustration. He crawled under the covers, blowing out the candle, and tried not to imagine the doctor’s form curled against him once more.


	6. Salty Bitters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Portia shows up at the shop, Calix finds himself back at the Raven, and Julian gets cleaned up in more ways than one.

Calix woke up alone. He didn’t remember Asra coming to bed or getting up, but he remembered a warmth against his body. At least he thought he did, maybe it had just been a hopeful memory and Asra hadn’t come to bed at all.

No matter, he was alone, finally. There was a familiar comfort in going about his morning routine, pretending everything was exactly the same as it had been before Asra left for his trip. He didn’t think about the bite from the eel, Julian resting on his chest as he combed fingers through his hair, or Julian looming over the actor playing Lucio, body radiating with intensity. Not as he washed his face. Not as he made his morning tea. Not as he began to dress for the day, getting ready to go out. 

A knock at the door made Calix’s heart leap and his thoughts immediately turned to Julian. Opening the door, however, he found Portia, the last person he’d expected to see, on the other side. At first, he’d wondered if Julian had found a way to talk to her after leaving, but it seemed that Portia was there on other business, though business that still involved Julian.

“You don’t want my brother to die,” Portia said, pointing at Calix. “I don’t want my brother to die. Now we just have to work on making sure my brother doesn’t want my brother to die.”

“Easier said than done,” Calix sighed, “Will he even let us help?”

Portia gave him a curious look and Calix wondered if she knew more about them than she’d been letting on. “Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

Calix was beginning to think he wore his heart on his sleeve more than he realized. At least now he wasn’t wearing Julian’s shirt too. But, if anyone would understand and not judge him, it would be Portia. Calix just wasn’t sure how much he wanted her involved in...whatever it was that was going on between him and Julian. Still, if they were going to work together, she was going to figure it out eventually.

“I am,” he said slowly, “Last night…” Portia arched an eyebrow and Calix frowned, “Last night, he pushed me away. He told me he needed to do this alone.”

Then, just as Asra had, Portia filled in the blanks with startling accuracy. From the way she talked, it seemed to be a lifelong pattern with Julian. Calix understood Asra’s skepticism about his ability to change him a little bit better now. Regardless of his feelings towards Julian though, Calix thought there was something more going on with the Count’s murder and Julian staying alive was going to be key to finding out the truth.

* * *

When Portia said she had an idea of where Julian was, Calix should have known they’d end up the Raven. An uneasiness came over him as soon as they walked in the door. The tavern was mostly empty this early in the day, but he thought he recognized a few patrons from the previous night. The bartender gave him a nod and Calix tried to remember if he did that to everyone who came in or if it was because he’d been there with Julian less than a full day before. 

Stepping further inside, his eyes immediately went to what seemed to be Julian’s regular table. Sure enough, there among a collection of empty glasses and steins, was Julian, face down on the wood.

Calix offered to take the lead in confronting him and he was met with no small amount of confusion and self loathing. As they talked, Julian gestured wildly as he proclaimed his willingness to be captured and face the hangman’s noose, seemingly regardless of if there was solid proof that he actually murdered the Count or not. In the process he knocked over several of the partially empty drinks, spilling them all over himself and ground.

“Just look at me,” Julian pulled his wet, stained shirt away from his body, “I don’t want either of you tangled up in this mess. I can’t be the reason you get hurt.”

Calix was about to open his mouth to protest but Portia beat him too it. “We get to decide that, Ilya, not you! Stop trying to push us away.”

Exchanging an approving look, Calix pointed to Portia, “What she said.”

That seemed to be the tipping point and Julian accepted defeat against the onslaught of rational arguments from two of the people he cared for most in the world. He even admitted he would need their help if he hoped to find out what really happened. 

Once they’d agreed on a plan to sneak Julian into the palace, he stood, steadying himself on the table. He gave his shirt, still damp with alcohol, an experimental sniff. “Just how good is this magic?” Julian stood up to his full height, testing his balance, “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get cleaned up.” He cleared his throat, “This might take a moment, I seem be a little short on clean shirts.”

Calix could feel himself blush when Julian looked at him, then shifted his gaze to the ground. He watched Portia from the corner of his vision, hoping she hadn’t noticed. She had. It seemed there wasn’t much that got passed her.

“Why don’t you go keep an eye on him, Calix,” she said, smiling, “and make sure he doesn’t try to sneak out a window instead.”

Given their entrance into Mazelinka’s hut, it wasn’t an unreasonable assumption, though one that left Calix continuing to wonder just how much Portia knew.

Without having to ask, the barman handed Calix some water as they passed him on the way to one of the back rooms. Julian seemed to know where he was going, and the barman didn’t try to stop them as they walked by. Calix guessed it was hardly the first time Julian had done this.

Just as he’d done the previous morning, Julian washed his face, this time pouring some of the water over his hair as well, then removed his shirt to clean it in the basin. He dunked it in the water, scrubbing the fabric together while Calix watched from the doorway. He didn’t need to, the room was windowless and there was no other escape, but he stood there, playing the guard nonetheless. 

Calix watched Julian’s muscles flex and move as he worked on one of the darker stains. He was a tall, but not large man. What was there though, was well toned, an enviable physique. Calix could see a few large scars, old and silvered, on the pale skin of Julian’s back. After the stories he told last night, Calix could only wonder at their history and how many other strange tales Julian might be hiding.

Julian turned and caught Calix watching him, making it a point to flex dramatically as he wrung the extra water from the shirt. “Enjoying the show?” 

“It’s not as good as yesterday’s,” Calix said flatly. He wanted to help Julian, but he wasn’t quite ready to forgive him.  _ “Do you believe in forgiveness?”  _ Julian has asked him in the early dawn light. Calix desperately wanted to.

A sullen, sheepish look fell across Julian’s face, “This isn’t your fault, you know.”

“I know.”

Calix held Julian’s gaze for several moments, until Julian turned away to put on his shirt. “Let’s go see this magic of yours then.”

* * *

Outside in the alley, moments after blowing the dirt on Julian, the transformation was complete.

Portia’s eyes lit up, “Ohh, who’s that? He’s handsome!”

“Calix…,” Julian started, staring at him. “What…who?” Scrambling to a nearby puddle, he looked at his reflection. “Of course. I don’t know what I was expecting.” He ran a hand experimentally through his now white hair, “I’m definitely too drunk for this.”

“And I am not drunk enough,” Calix groaned. Julian let out one of his sharp, barking laughs but it was strange and uncanny in Asra’s voice. “Maybe, I’ll have one of those Salty Bitters after all.”

“I’ll join you,” Julian added.

“Oh no, you two don’t.” Portia grabbed each of them by the arm and started marching towards the palace. “We have work to do.” 


	7. The Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a visit to the Count's room, Calix and Julian find themselves together in the library.

Following the stilted conversation and unusual happenings in the Count’s room, Calix was glad to be locked inside the library, looking at the real Julian again.

“Well, that could have gone worse.” Julian’s sure smile looked much better on his own face and, distracted, Calix only nodded in agreement.

The worst hopefully behind them, Julian’s excitement began to grow as he took in his surroundings, gloved fingers running along the spines of books, grey eye gleaming in the dim light, rapidly scanning their titles. Calix watched him, confused. When he’d brought Julian the drawing at the Raven, his desk in the palace library had seemed familiar enough, but now that he was here, it was like Julian was seeing things for the first time.

“It’s coming back to me… it’s close, at the back of my mind. I can taste it.”

Calix wasn’t sure what kind of expression he had on his face, but when Julian looked at him again, he stopped, finger hanging from a book he was about to pull from the shelves. He seemed almost crestfallen, “You’re mad at me?”

The question caught Calix off guard, “No, I’m not mad,” he said immediately, then regretted the hastiness of his response. He wasn’t mad about anything here in the library, he hadn’t intended to look angry, but saying that he wasn’t mad with Julian wasn’t the complete truth. Julian’s rejection still stung, but being close to him again, it getting harder to hold on to.

“You know,” Julian shifted his gaze to a spot on the wall behind Calix, “they do say there’s such a thing as being too forgiving.”

The way Julian looked, Calix didn’t have the heart to take the words back and tell him he was still upset. If they made it out of the palace, maybe then there would be a chance to talk about later. “I can see that you’ve been punishing yourself enough,” he muttered instead. That, at least, was true.

Suddenly, Julian spied his old desk and the flurry of excitement returned as he tore through the journals, papers, and drawers, until he triumphantly produced a key. Clutching it, he spoke quickly, almost manic, “I’m one step closer. If it wasn’t for you, dear Calix, I’d still be two behind.”

Julian rushed forward to embrace him, his cloak rippling behind him with the rapid movement. Then came the screeching cry of a bird and the next thing Calix knew, he was wrapped in Julian’s arms, tight against his chest in a dark corner of the library. Pressed this close together, he could feel Julian’s heart racing, his body wound tight with adrenaline.

“It was just a bird. Sorry…” Julian took in a deep breath, “About everything, I’m sorry.”

Now it was Calix’s turn to feel like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Surely, Julian could feel it, could feel how he was beginning to tremble, even held steady in his arms. He stared absently at Julian’s lips, flushed a deep red and only a few inches away, as he continued to speak, trying to process what Julian was saying. It was everything he’d wanted him to say. Yesterday. Today. It was some small hope for a future, if they could figure all of this out.

“Calix, what do you want me to do?”

He finally looked up to meet Julian’s eye. ‘ _Kiss me,’_ he thought. But his mouth was dry and he couldn’t quite form the words. _Kiss me now._ They’d been close so many times and here they were, together in the library, alone.

 _The library._ That they were supposed to be investigating. They were supposed to be looking for some way to prove Julian’s innocence.

“We’re in the library.” Calix spoke without realizing it, his voice carrying a note of confusion and panic, and almost as quickly the moment was gone.

Julian eased himself away, taking a step back, and put the key in his pocket, “So we are.”

Before Calix could think of a way to try and salvage the situation, there were voices at the door. Another opportunity lost.

It didn’t take long to identify the voices as Nadia and Portia. Julian pulled Calix back into the shadows as if they would offer some sort of safety once the the door was opened. They could hear Portia trying to stall, but it was clear Nadia’s patience was limited. Calix knew Portia would do her best but they didn’t have much time. True to form, Julian insisted that Calix try to get away by himself, using his own arrest as a distraction.

“Julian, where are I supposed to go?” Calix hissed.

“I don’t know, use some hocus pocus. Something. Anything. Just get out of here!”

Calix stood firm in front of Julian, giving him a pointed look. “I’m not giving up on you.”

His frustration mounted as Julian continued to insist that he leave him to his fate. If Calix could only get him to think of something besides sacrificing himself, they might be able to come up with a solution. After a few more arguments and insistances in hushed voices, Julian finally accepted that Calix was going to be just as stubborn as him about the situation and agreed they needed to come up with a way to make it out together.

While his suggestion to turn into a giant bird was less than helpful, it did give Calix the idea to search the room for magic, leading them to Asra’s portal. By the time the door opened they were mostly hidden behind the vines, but it was Asra’s unexpected appearance that really saved them. Before Asra turned to follow the Countess, he gave them both one final look. It was a look that made Calix’s stomach drop. It seemed to be one of disappointment, though it was hard to tell if it was disappointment in Calix for ending up in this situation, or ending up in it with Julian.

After what happened last night, here he was with the man who’d hurt him, potentially putting his life and his heart at risk, locked together in a room and no doubt looking flustered. If Asra asked him to explain himself, he wasn’t entirely sure that he could. Calix dreaded the conversation he would have with Asra the next time they were alone, but for now, the portal was open and they had their way out.


	8. In the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Safely out of the library, Calix and Julian spend the evening at Portia's cottage. There's finally kissing.

As evening settled over the garden, it was easy to think of the events in the library as distant memories. Here, with the fireflies dancing among the plants, the night birds singing, and the humid air settling on their skin, Calix felt like it was a lifetime ago. It felt good sitting next to Julian in comfortable silence, relaxed and temporarily setting aside their worries.

It was Julian who brought up Asra’s sudden appearance and the discussion that followed about their relationship was surprisingly honest. While he didn’t give any details, it was still more information than Calix had gotten from either of them up to that point and it revealed a previously unseen level of introspection from Julian. Calix had to admit, he had a hard time seeing the two of them together, it was difficult to picture Julian and Asra even as friends, although he certainly couldn’t deny Julian’s charms and how easily he’d fallen under them himself.

Leaning back against the wall of the cottage, Calix rolled his head lazily to look at Julian, “Are you still the same person you were back then?” He asked for himself, as much as anything, still trying to figure out the inner workings of the man beside him.

“God, I hope not.” Julian said, a surprised look on his face, “Jury’s still out though.” The smile that followed carried his typical confidence and bravado but beneath it, Calix could see uncertainty. It was something that Julian wanted and hoped to be true, but he still had doubts about himself. Like so many other things about Julian, it was something Calix wanted to be true too.

They were interrupted when Portia brought out food and the conversation turned to simpler things for a while. Calix watched the easy banter between the siblings as he ate. More and more he appreciated Portia’s bluntness towards Julian, often saying the same things Calix would have, though he suspected Julian took it better from her than he would from him.

As they joked together, Portia trying to give Julian a playful punch that he easily ducked away from, Calix thought once more about Julian laughing backstage at the play. He’d wondered what it would be like to see him unrestrained and carefree, and here in Portia’s garden, he got his wish. The cloud that covered Julian never truly left, but there were enough moments to imagine a life like this. Maybe one they could share together. For Calix, the thought filled an empty space, one he hadn’t realized was there. One that felt like home in a way he didn’t know was missing.

The conversation turned serious again and Julian’s words echoed Calix’s thoughts, “If things weren’t the way they are. If I was a free man. A better man. Could I… have this?”

“Of course, you can have this.” Calix’s chest ached that Julian even had to ask.  _ I want us to have this _ , he thought.

Julian focused on softly stroking Pepi, not looking at him or Portia, “Can I?”

The thin arguments that followed were much the same as the ones he’d used on the docks, only this time Portia was there to help bolster Calix and finally get Julian to realize he had people who cared about him. And regardless of he insisted, they weren’t going to let him try to take on everything alone, that he didn’t need to.

Satisfied with an admission and apology finally pulled from Julian, Portia headed into the small cottage. As she reached the door, she turned to Calix, “Will you be fine escorting him out of the gardens alone?”

Calix smiled up at her, “It would be my pleasure.”

“Thank you,” she added, “for being on his side.” 

Calix suspected she was giving him her approval, knowing full well she was leaving the two potential lovers alone and unchaperoned. “That’s also my pleasure.”

Portia smiled back at him and closed the door. A few minutes later, the candle inside went out.

Calix hated to admit that they needed to leave soon if they wanted to avoid the guards, even though neither of them were anxious to break the evening’s spell just yet. Calix stood to go, but Julian stopped him, sitting upright and taking him by the hand. The sudden movement sent Pepi scurrying from his spot in Julian’s lap and into the garden.

“What you did for me today. I won’t forget it.”

Sitting on the bench, Julian looked up at him. With each word, each sentence, Calix found himself drawn closer until he was standing between Julian’s legs, his hands on his shoulders, and Julian’s pressed against his back, firmly holding him near. 

Julian craned his head back, chin almost grazing Calix’s chest as he spoke, “If pushing you away didn’t work…Then I’ll stop pushing.”

Finally, unable to resist any longer, Calix leaned down until his lips met Julian’s. They were refreshingly cool compared to the warm night air and the now familiar scent of musky leather filled his nostrils. 

Their first kiss was tentative and gentle, as though Julian was afraid he might scare Calix away. The second had more confidence. And by the third, Calix was leaning into him, fingers buried in Julian’s hair, desperate to take in as much of the other man as he could, wanting to make up for all the lost opportunities of the past few days.

In time, they pulled apart to catch their breath. “Ilya…,” Calix whispered. The name was one those close the Julian seemed to use, and it felt right to say it now. Somehow, Julian Devorak was a different man from the one he was looking at. Julian’s lips formed an easy smile when he said it and Calix felt him relax against him. 

Julian reached up to stroke Calix’s cheek, “I’m sorry it took so long to really see you. I’m sorry I was fool who tried to leave. I don’t know what we’ll find or what’s going to happen. But I think...if you’re there with me, I can face it. Whatever it is.”

Julian guided Calix down into one final kiss, his lips lingering a few seconds after, the soft skin ghosting again Calix’s, before standing to follow him through the garden and into the night.


End file.
